Preparing for the Darkest Valleys
Collective trauma is any experience had by a group of people that threatens their sense of community. It is that which shatters relational bonds and scatters people from one another. Within the church, this often takes the shape of a church split, clergy abuse or misconduct, oppressive systems, natural disasters destroying church property, or the tragic death of a church member. There are other examples that could be given. Truthfully, the COVID-19 pandemic was experienced by many faith communities as a form of collective trauma, scattering tight-knit communities out of their sanctuaries and into their living rooms. Hopefully by now you are recognizing that collective trauma is far more prevalent than we might think. However, what is important to remember about all trauma, whether individual or collective, is that it is not the even that occurs but rather how that event is experienced that determines whether or not trauma has taken place. In other words, two churches can experience the same devastating form of suffering and one can be traumatized while the other experiences momentary suffering. There are many reasons why this may be, but today, I want to share with you three resiliency factors that can help prepare your faith community for walking through tragedy. We know tragedy will come, that is not the question. The question is how will your congregation respond? As a pastor or church leader, you can help prepare your church well by focusing on these three things: fostering healthy relationships within your congregation, encouraging vulnerability and trust, and making room for the experience of suffering.
Fostering Healthy Relationships: Trauma shatters relationships. It distorts our sense of community and causes us to feel cut off from one another. It is isolating. By fostering healthy relationships prior to trauma occurring, you push against the very nature of trauma. This may seem obvious, and you may think you are already placing a focus on healthy relationships. I bet you are! Most churches have ministries designed to help people form relationships with others. I want to invite you to take this a step further, and ask yourself, “do we have a culture of healthy relationships?” Do people leave any experience in your church feeling seen and known while also being able to see and know another? Are the relationships formed reciprocal, ones in which each person recognizes and honors the other as an image bearer of God? These deep, interdependent (not codependent) relationships are necessary for moving well through times of suffering.
Encourage Vulnerability and Trust: When suffering comes, the tendency can be to silence the pain. People are often hesitant to share their grief and the depth of their pain, especially if they do not trust those around them. As you foster healthy relationships within your congregation, make sure they are ones built on vulnerability and trust. This must start with the leadership. Are you honest with your congregation? Do you model a vulnerability that reminds them you are all human, that the ground is even at the foot of the cross and none is better than another? Do you create space for expressing grief, questions, and pain through your own willingness to admit when you are not okay? Consider how you may lead your faith community in becoming more vulnerable with one another that trust might grow. If you need more encouragement in this I highly recommend Mandy Smith’s book The Vulnerable Pastor.
Make Room for the Experience of Suffering: If you do not talk about it before it happens, you will not have the language to speak of it when it happens. Trauma is often marked by unspeakable pain, called unspeakable because it often is so horrendous that people cannot bear to speak of it. Yet, trauma left unsaid is the most destructive. Our suffering demands to be heard that it might be healed. As a pastor, you can prepare your people well by equipping them with language around suffering. You can protect them from what is often called “spiritual bypassing,” the unhelpful comments people utter in the face of trauma that are well meant but often cause great harm by instead equipping your people with a healthy theology of suffering. The Bible is full of texts exploring trauma, suffering, and pain. Preach on it. Use the lament psalms in your liturgy. Lament more than during lent. Give voice to suffering so that when it happens your congregation does not feel silenced but instead knows how to speak. For as they give voice to pain, healing will follow.
The truth is, as you shepherd those God has entrusted to your care, there is a likelihood that you will find yourself leading them through the darkest valleys. The valleys will come, but you do not walk alone. Our Good Shepherd has gone before you and will lead you. May you trust him to care for your church along the quiet waters as well as in the shadows.
